In my defense …

My father was a dentist. To me, my dad was a great man. I am truly uncertain as to how else I can convey just how much I admired him. Not only was he an only child but unfortunately, due to an illness just prior to his birth, my father never had the pleasure of meeting his own dad. Unthinkable to me. How does one grow up without knowing, or ever meeting his dad?

Unfortunately for me, my dad passed away when I was only 20 years of age. Huge regrets I have in not being able to have conversations with my dad as a grownup. Those I do recall were usually just me listening to him teach me right from wrong … never a lengthy, real talk. My wish list has this at the very top: a dialogue with my dad as two adults. Next life.

My admiration for him stemmed from him having the focus to graduate from Marquette U, become a dentist, go to war and all without knowing his dad. Impressive.

One of my interests and questions would be, who was his father figure? Who taught him?

As I go back in time ~~~ I’m able to recall times when my dad seemed distraught. Unsure. Not himself. Being very centered and analytical,( a doctor), dad always  was in control and yet there were a few of those odd, out of character occasions. He appeared to almost be secretive about something. As a young boy I would remember taking a drive with him to a location on Main St and he would slowly roll down the window and ‘make a buy’ for a particular item or service. The guy at the window seemed pleasant enough to me but there was something just not right. Why were we here? The man ‘helping’ dad took his money and would say something to the effect, ‘come back in the morning and I’ll take care of you.’ Just not right. What does dad need and why does he have to return in the morning? I mean, my dad can do anything, right?

He wouldn’t allow me to go with him that following day and his excuse was it’s too early and that he would then promptly be off to work. I had to accept his reasoning and was told to let it go. I was crushed. What was dad up to? What was he hiding? Why couldn’t I go with him to that man’s lair? My mom would soothe me and everything had the appearance of a family in perfect order. I just wasn’t so sure. Being so skeptical at a young age wasn’t in my life plan but there I was, questioning my own father and to his motives.  I kept visualizing that man at the window, his dirty hands, his fanatical smile, his ‘sure Doc, I can take care of you,’ attitude while he eagerly grabbed the cash. I saw him in my dreams. Why did dad need this guy? That toothy grin and his grimy shirt and the name … his name, right there for me to see. Sewn directly on his blue, cotton shirt. Jake. Damn him. Damn that Jake. Leave my dad alone. He doesn’t need you, I just know it. Dad was always able to rectify the situation, to find the answer. My dad can do it … he can do anything!

Later, as the afternoon grew longer and the amber glow of the sunlight was decreasing, I was screwing around in my bedroom and yet my mind was still elsewhere. My head was patiently waiting for my dad’s return from work on that day and as I heard his car enter our driveway, I ran. I ran until I saw him. I continued to run and jumped into his arms and cried out, ‘How is everything, daddy? Why oh why did you need that man, Jake, yesterday? I have to know.’

My dad, in all his coolness and yet seemingly embarrassed way of explaining his actions said this: ‘Son, as much as you believe that I’m able to do and fix everything that comes into our lives, I just can’t. You see, your grandpa died even before I was born and there was no one around to explain to me how to work with motors and engines. I never had the opportunity to learn from someone and a book just doesn’t cut it. Jake is my mechanic and he fixed our car while I was at work today. He does excellent work and the only way he can do that is to get in there and get dirty. He’s the best mechanic around.’

Although I was momentarily hurt by the realization that my pa was just a regular guy, I also figured out that there are others who do have the skills needed to fill in the gaps that we lack. Pretty cool.

I get it now. Even dads need help now and then. Dad’s are not Supermen. My dad wasn’t. I certainly am not at this point in my life. It’s OK.

My point: from generation to generation we need to be taught how to do everything that we learn. Dad’s have tremendous influence on our young lives and I have no doubt that my dad would’ve been a magnificent mechanic or at least gotten by with some of his own diagnosis’ and fixed  more than a few of a normal auto’s problems with the guidance of his own father. Since he didn’t have that opportunity, he lacked the skills.

I can barely get gas into the tank without something going wrong. Second generation, no guidance. No automotive skills what so ever. I need a ‘Jake’ at almost every turn. Damn I wish I had some car knowledge as I’d be a much richer and fulfilled man.

I don’t call my family van a ‘she.’ I don’t wax it every couple of months. I finally put a new hubcap on after a year of a broken 3/4 hubcap in its place. I don’t have a love affair with my car. To me my vehicle is just a means of personal transportation. Nothing more. I lack that ‘man gene.’

Is there any wonder why I’m not a race fan? I had no choice. In my defense … it’s not my fault. I’m OK with it but I still try to understand it because I’m a sports fan. I try not to condescend those who are. During most ‘big’ races there I am … watching the final 10 laps or so. Hell, I like to watch golf on the tube. I’m quite positive that there are those who are under the belief that I’m one strange dude because of this. We all can agree to disagree.

To all of those race fans out there … fire up your engines because the new season has begun but if there’s a problem, give Jake a call. He can fix anything. He’s the best around.

Reiny