Aaron Rodgers IS Actually A Dancer

(the following is purely a fictional article, a la “The Onion”    Make no mistake)

Green Bay WI:   After all is said and done. After all the games have been played. After all the awards have been given and the championships won, it’s finally come to light: Aaron Rodgers, as has been suggested by a few national TV commercials, really is a dancer.

“Yeah, I’ve been dancing all of my life,” said Rodgers in a post-playoff interview with ESPN analyst Chris Mortensen. “I guess I fell in love with dance as a young kid watching a lot of music videos in my parents home. I studied Michael, MC Hammer, Prince, all of those guys. I loved ’em. I watched MTV all of the time and worked on my moves everyday. My hands and feet were always moving.”

When Rodgers made it into his teens he began taking dance lessons from a local instructor in his home town of Chico, CA. Miss Jennie explains, “Aaron was a gifted young man with a lot of moves that belied his growing stature. His feet were extremely light and he loved to do this singular move with his hands, like he was putting on a a belt of some sort. I never knew exactly what it was he was doing but he enjoyed it and it kept his balance in check.”

Aaron continued with his lessons even while he began playing high school football at local Pleasant Valley High School. His throwing arm was his ticket out but his passion was still dance. He participated in solo and ensemble dance routines throughout his high school years to become accustomed to moving in open space as well as interacting with other performers while staying on his feet. Every day he would dance and dance. His coaches and teammates were unaware of his true zeal but Aaron was noticeably more agile than the others.

Coach: “Aaron seemed able to float out on the field when all of my other players appeared stuck in the mud. Heads and tails different. If I would’ve known that my quarterback was taking dance lessons, I may have signed up the entire team.”

As Rodgers pursued his primary love, football still had its place and it was more for his future. The allure of money kept him on the gridiron but he always found time to become lost in the movement of his body to the sweet sounds of music. Rodgers attended Jr. college to begin his collegiate career and after being successful there, he transferred to Cal.

Teammates were a bit perplexed when they would work out with free-weights and Aaron would do his stretching on a ballet barre (stationary handrail for warming up). Some asked, “what the hell, Rodgers?” His answer, always with a smile, was always, “it’s for strength, flexibility, and more extension in my limbs. You all should try it.”

As Rodgers’ career brought him to Green Bay, his teammates, especially Brett Favre, thought it was a joke. Said Favre, “I’d watch the kid whirl and twirl around the locker room. I’d go get a towel, roll it up and go snap him in the ass and just shake my head. That never phased him. The kid would just do some sort of pirouette and disappear down the hall. Crazy.”

Lee Remmel, a long time newspaper writer, public relations personality and team historian for the Packers had this to say, “Aaron Rodgers always seems to land on his feet. His moves are fluid and quick. After I found out that he was a dancer first, it all seemed to fit. I remember another great player in the 60’s that I’d heard was an excellent dancer, Forest Gregg. He turned out pretty well although I’m not sure he brought a ballet barre into the locker room.”

All of his intense work on the dance floor seemed to keep him on his feet during heavy pass rushes when he became the starting quarterback for the Packers. Fans and critics alike have always been astounded by his quickness and elusiveness. Aaron believes that, in his heart, he’s a dancer that plays football. It shows.

Money and celebrity now achieved, Aaron Rodgers is more at home with his passion. He’s open about it and even though he’s made State Farm Insurance commercials where he states, “No, I’m a quarterback, ” we now know that the woman starring in the spot with him who asks, “so, you’re a dancer?” is, in fact, telling the truth.

Aaron Rodgers, a dancer with a football problem.

(Again, this piece is purely a fictional story with all of my apologies to Aaron Rodgers, Chris Mortensen, ESPN, Pleasant Valley High School, U of Cal, Lee Remmel, Forrest Gregg, Brett Favre, The Green Bay Packers and anyone else that may have been involved. Thank you )