February 14th

Good day.

Is it?

If you’re not quite sure you had best take another gander at your nearest calendar. Yes my friends, its February 14th which makes it… what?  Valentine’s Day!

Are you panicking yet? This is not good. This means that you’ve forgotten what today is and you now have but a few short, and I mean short, hours to fix this.

First off, what’s wrong with you? Really? You had no idea? I need a walk.

I’m back. So, no calendars? You’re $300 phone can’t help you when you’re in such desperate need? Hey, don’t blame the phone. You’re a grown man. You’re perfectly able to put your cool, new denim jeans on just like the rube that DID remember what day it is. By the way, why the new jeans? I digress …

What to do? It’s quite simple in its pure form. You must remove yourself from in front of your MacBook, iPad or whatever and put all your thoughts into one place. Close your eyes and become your lovely wife, girlfriend or whomever and ask yourself, what would my man do for me … FOR ME … that would truly make me happy? I have a terrible sense that you have NO idea what I just asked you to do, right? One more time, shut your eye lids and attempt to become her. Why is she with you? What/who are you that allows her to stay with you for all the nonsense that you continue to do on a daily basis?

Are you getting something? Still nothing? This could take a while.

No, God help us … it can’t take a while. Time is flying by and you have nothing. Tighten up!

Here’s what you do. Actually quite simple. Is she home? No? Great. Start in the kitchen. Clean up. That’s right, CLEAN UP! Now, hey, looks good. Put all of your clothes away. No, no, no … not thrown in the closet. Fold them, neatly, and place them in your drawers. Next go over the bathroom and do as you did in the kitchen. Fine job. Your home looks very nice.

Ever heard of fresh flowers? Yes, fresh flowers. What? You have a garden? That’s a huge plus right now. Find a vase and clean it. Pick out some flowers of different colors so that when they are arranged they’ll look semi-professional. Do NOT remove all of the blossoms from the garden as your nice act will be short-lived.

Cut the flowers and place them in the vase. Now put them in the perfect place so that when your loved one enters the room she’ll immediately see them. Beauty.

The final topper for the evening will be your home-made card. Find some paper, attach some cut-out hearts and find the nicest pen you have available. To write the perfect verse is almost fool-proof. You’re already ahead of the game so relax. Again, think of her and why she’s with you. Now, think of why you’re with her. Don’t get,I repeat, DO NOT get stupid and say something tacky or sexual right here. Really why you’re with her. Who is she? Why does she make you happy? Why you feel as you do each and every time she steps into the room. Why do you want to spend the rest of your life with her. See? Easy. The best thing, she’ll love it and she’ll never forget what you did and said. There’s not a piece of candy, a bought card, a type of jewelry that will replace your true feelings. Ah …. she’ll get weak.

Oh shit … it IS getting late. I’d better get humping. I’ve a LOT to do.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

Rein